Medicine for the Gay Soul
by SwishAndFlick31
Summary: [One Shot] Ron thinks Harry and Hermione are gay. How will they get over thier gayness? Ah, simple really, Harry is Hermione's medicine. And Hermione is Harry's medicine. Better than summary. Complete.


**Title: **I'm Not Gay!

**Pairings: **Harry/Hermione

**Warnings: **Extreme silliness, OOC-ness, etc.

**Summary: **Ron thinks that Harry might be gay, and Hermione lesbian. Luckily for them, though, they've found a solution for their slight "problem."

**Author's Notes: **Just a simple, silly bunny that was plaguing my mind with this idea.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this, Harry and Hermione would've gotten together already.

**0—0**

November twenty-ninth, Ronald Weasley concluded that Harry James Potter, defeater of V-V—You-Know-Who, was gay, and that Hermione Jane Granger, smartest witch of her age, was a lesbian.

Ever since Ginny (and he had to admit, it wasn't that great), Harry hadn't had a real girlfriend since then. Cho, well, he didn't even want to start on that. It seemed as though Cho was just grieving over Cedric, and taking advantage of Harry's crush on her. With Ginny, though, there was something slightly off. He knew it was odd when Harry suddenly had a "monster" in his chest, wanting to tear Dean apart when he and Ginny were dating, but Ron never spoke of it. Then, did he see, that Ginny just had the boyfriends to make Harry jealous, perhaps bring up feelings that were stored in him, even if it was pure lust.

They'd broken up a mere two weeks after, Harry claiming that it was for her safety. Though, Ron wondered, why he and Ginny hadn't gotten together after Harry defeated Voldermort.

_Duh, cause he's gay!_ His mind reasoned.

Then there was Hermione. She was… unique. One day, after Qudditch practice, he saw Hermione and Ginny kissing. They claimed that they were only kissing because of losing a bet, but Ron thought that using their tongues wasn't a part of the bet. He had to admit, though, seeing two girls snog was pretty hot, just as long as one wasn't his baby sister and the other his best friend.

The problem for him, though, was that he never saw Hermione kiss Ginny (or anyone else for that matter) after. Perhaps they were sneaking around? He wasn't too sure, but he needed to find out. Ever since he and Hermione shared that chaste kiss, they knew that they had nothing more between them than mere friendship. Ever since then, Hermione (and Harry, for that matter) never dated anyone.

What was wrong with his friends? Were they… gay? He cringed; he couldn't even bare the thought of Harry being gay; he was his best mate, and they shared a dorm room for six years. Hermione, well, if she were a lesbian, he'd have to admit, that'd full his fantasies. (Not that he had any, anyway…)

But then again, if Harry were gay, that'd explain why he was getting into more fights with Draco, or perhaps why he spent a bit more time in the Qudditch showers after practice. If Hermione were a lesbian, that'd conclude why she was always up in the girls' dorm (though studying up there was his second choice).

Thus, Ronald Weasley concluded that his best friends were gay.

**0—0**

"OY!" shouted Ron, running towards the Heads' Common Room.

Harry and Hermione, who were just about to close the portrait, looked behind them. Ron ran there, hair wild, clothes wrinkled, and pants uneven.

"Um, hey Ron," Harry said, looking Ron up and down, seeing why he looked disoriented.

Ron took this the wrong way and quickly said, "Can we talk inside?"

Hermione was a bit worried. Ron looked a bit uncomfortable near Harry, though she didn't know why. He'd always been comfortable around him, always.

"Sure," she said, opening the portrait.

They walked inside and walked toward the couch. Harry and Hermione sat next to each other on the couch, while Ron, who was still uncomfortable around Harry, sat on the armchair across from the two.

Ron decided to get right to the point: "Are you gay?"

This question clearly baffled Harry. He started chocking on air, and Hermione hid her laughter behind her hand.

"A-am I-I g-gay?" Harry asked, catching his breath.

"It's a simple question, Harry. It's either yes or no," Hermione said, barely stifling her laughter.

"I wouldn't talk if I were you, either, Hermione. I was about to ask if you were a lesbian," Ron said seriously.

Weird…

"I AM NOT GAY!" They shouted in unison, earning a snigger from the red headed teen in front of them.

"You sure? Because, if I recall correctly the two of you have been behaving incongruously--"

Harry lost him at incongruously.

"—the past few weeks. I mean, Harry, you haven't dated since Ginny. Don't you think that's a bit odd? I mean, you're Harry-freaking-Potter, The-Boy-Who-Defeated-The-Dark-Lord-at-sixteen, the Chosen One who fulfilled his destiny, the--"

"Okay, I get it!" Harry said. He wasn't too keen on the idea of Ron telling Harry all of his titles.

He'd be able to go on for days on end…

"And you, Hermione, I've seen you kiss Ginny--"

"That was because I lost a bet! I told you before, _Ronald_," Hermione said, glaring at him. They had promised not to tell _anyone_ about that incident, though it seemed as though a _certain_ red headed dense, air-headed boy forgot that.

"You kissed Ginny?" Harry asked her quietly. Hermione blushed and nodded.

"I mean, c'mon, you guys are--" Ron started, but was cut off by Harry.

"Again, I am _not_ gay! Though, I'm not too sure about Mione over there," he said, winking at his best female friend.

"I'm not gay, Harry James," she muttered.

"Prove it. Harry, kiss a girl. Hermione, kiss a guy," Ron said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Hermione was starting to think that he really _was _the most insufferable wart she ever had the misfortune to meet.

Harry on the other hand, thought that it was a splendid idea. He quickly turned to Hermione, who looked at him strangely, and planted his lips on hers.

If Dobby were here, and much—_much_—taller, with read hair, he'd look _just_ like Ron. His eyes were nearly protruding out of his eye sockets as he watched his two friends snog each other.

He blinked. He still saw them kissing.

He blinked again… just making sure that he wasn't seeing anything out of the ordinary. I mean, this were his best friends that were kissing (quiet vigorously, he added).

Finally, Harry and Hermione parted, grinning like maniacs.

"So, do you still think we're gay? Or do we need a hands-on approach?" Harry asked, grinning happily.

"So, Hermione, Harry," Ron said, trying to figure out why they had just done what they did. "Are you guys, like, each other's medicine or something? Like, whenever you two are feeling a bit… gay… you guys… erm…" he trailed off, ears matching his hair.

Harry and Hermione blinked. "Sure," Harry said slowly, grin not falling from his face.

"Yes, it's quiet simple really," Hermione said, going in bookworm mode. "When I feel the urge to kiss or touch a girl in an inappropriate way, Harry here will help me get over that."

"By kissing?" interrupted Ron.

Harry's grin just got wider. "Sure."

"And whenever Harry feels the need to look a male a certain way, or if he gets a bit excited about being too close to them, say in the showers after qudditch practice or during lunch—yes, Harry, I've noticed how close you sit next to Dean, don't deny it—I'll be here to help him. With a bit of--" she was interrupted yet again.

"Kissing and touching and folding and other things that I shouldn't hear about my friends doing?" Ron asked, not bothering with the overrated pauses. He found himself quiet fond of the word "and" recently, and ever since, it's found a way into most his rambles.

"Yes, with the kissing, touching, fondling, and other things that you'll never find out," Harry said, being a gentleman and pausing when necessary. Hermione grinned and looked at Harry. He, too, grinned and started staring at Ron longingly (he really wanted to spend some time alone with Hermione).

"Err… Hermione, this is your cue," Ron said, getting up. "I think… um… I'll just get going now. Don't want to kiss him forever, now do you?" he asked, backing away.

"No, no," Hermione said absently. She was much to occupied, and she found that it was the only coherent word she could muster to Ron, since Harry was sucking on her neck.

"R-right," Ron squeaked, watching Harry advance on Hermione even more. He nearly ran towards the portrait that led to the exit.

Hermione moaned. Harry's hands traveled up towards the hem of her shirt, and slowly (too slowly for Hermione) went under, touching the bare of her stomach.

"I'm feeling a bit gay," Harry said huskily, nibbling on her ear.

She arched her back and started sucking and kissing his neck. "I think I am, too." She looked at him in the eye.

"Bedroom?" he asked.

"Bedroom," she echoed.

Ah yes, having your own—ahem—personal medicine was a great thing all in itself.

Now, if only Ronald Weasley knew that they were already dating…

He really was dense, though, that was the least of Harry and Hermione's concerns at the moment.

**AND I'M DONE!**

**Author's Notes: **Any comments or something is welcome. I was typing Chapter twenty-one of my story "Forever" and this just came to me. I guess I needed a bit of a humorous break. I mean, I've nearly broken my ankle, fractured my arm, and somehow managed to bruise my fingers (damn batons). I guess I just needed a break from all of this crap.

This is so completely plot-less, though I enjoyed typing it.

NO FLAMES! You have been warned!


End file.
